I don't know why it happened, I really don't.
While I have come to terms with my larger body, I recognize that I'm not comfortable with it. I can't stand up like I used to, do work around the house like I used to, or have fun with friends in the same way.
More than that, I've found myself withdrawing from interactions with the outside world and enjoying more and more nights at home alone. I told myself that I was happier being alone.
And the truth is, I was.
At home, I didn't have to face the facts that I was stuffing my face every night to quell my loneliness. I could lose myself in the television shows I watched, and I didn't have to think about how lonely I really am. I've always been an outgoing person and loved meeting new people. I loved to talk to people and I loved being social.
But, I've allowed myself to withdraw from anyone and everyone over the last few years. This has happened for a number of reasons, but the one that stands out more than the others is that I am embarrassed. I don't want people to see what I've allowed myself to become. Seriously, I used to run 5Ks, 10Ks, and even a half marathon. Co-workers and friends used to comment on how healthy I ate (I love vegetables!). But, I lost myself and that drive for health somewhere along the way.
While I have my suspicions about where my motivation went, it really doesn't and shouldn't matter. Regardless of what was going on in my life several years ago, I shouldn't have let it get to this point. I shouldn't have stopped caring.
So, when Lent came around this year, I thought for days and days about what I could "give up." But, the answer didn't come easy and it was actually late at night on Fat Tuesday that I knew that instead of giving up some luxury, I should make a commitment to myself to lose weight. After all, the idea of giving something up for Lent is to honor God and recognize His sacrifice and obedience. What better way to honor Him than to take care of the life He gave me? Plus, if Lent is all about obedience and sacrifice, sticking to a healthy regime will definitely fit that description.
So, here I am, making public my promise to lose weight, and even more importantly, get healthy.
Since I'm kind of OCD about rules, I decided to list 10 rules that I would follow. If I can stick to these rules 90% of the time, I know I'll succeed. :-)
So, without further ado, here are my 10 rules to lose weight for Lent:
1. Pack my meals, don't wing it.
2. Lose the add-ons (ie. mayo, ranch).
3. Drink 8+ cups of water everyday.
4. Exercise 30+ minutes, 7 days a week, even if it's just a brisk walk.
5. Track my food, weight, and exercise using the calorie count app on my phone.
6. Eat 6+ servings of fruits and vegetables every day.
7. Eat a purely vegetarian diet. (I'll explain this one in more detail later)
8. Eat oatmeal/something solid for breakfast. No donuts or bagels.
9. Pray daily for wisdom in food and exercise decisions.
10. Don't beat yourself up over any failures... and realize that life happens, it will all be okay.
Lent started on Ash Wednesday, February 13th, and I weighed myself that day.
My weight was 211.4 pounds.
I wear a size 18 pants and an XL/1X top.
While I have these crazy aspirations to lose a bunch of weight during the 46 days of Lent, I have to realize that I'm older and my metabolism is crap. So, I had to establish more practical goals. Here they are:
1. Lose at least 15 pounds.
2. Get in shape enough to be able to start running again.
3. Increase my self-confidence and stop with the self-deprecating humor. I am more than a fat, middle-aged, old lady. And, yes, I refer to myself with those words almost daily. Not good.
Now, some photos for reference...
This photo was taken in July, 2012. I had broken my ankle, which is why I'm in a wheelchair. But, this photo is where I saw for the first time how large I had gotten.
This photo was taken in January of 2013. I did a transport for this sweet dog, Riley. This is the most recent photo of myself. I'm wearing sweats to hide my heavier frame.
This was taken in January of 2012. So, it's a little older, but still shows my apple shape.
Here I am in May of 2010 before I started rapidly gaining weight. This was my sister's wedding. Ironically, at the time, I remember thinking how fat I felt.
This was at my baptism in June of 2010. Look at those legs! :-)
I can't remember when this was taken. I think it was in 2009 some time.
Before the Lexington St. Patrick's Day run. I need to find my running ju-ju again!
At my Uncle Phil and Aunt Jodi's wedding. I really felt pretty that day. And, it was a good hair day too!
I post these photos not to shame myself, but to motivate myself. I can do this. I can get my old body back... and even more... I can get my life back.
Anyway, I think that's more than enough for today. I'll be checking in frequently since I need to keep myself accountable.
Love,
E.
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