Gotta Shed Those Extra Pounds... My Lenten Promise

Somewhere along the way these past 2 1/2 years I stopped caring about what I looked like. I gained 60 pounds, stopped wearing makeup, and wore less and less flattering clothing.

I don't know why it happened, I really don't.

While I have come to terms with my larger body, I recognize that I'm not comfortable with it. I can't stand up like I used to, do work around the house like I used to, or have fun with friends in the same way.

More than that, I've found myself withdrawing from interactions with the outside world and enjoying more and more nights at home alone. I told myself that I was happier being alone.

And the truth is, I was.

At home, I didn't have to face the facts that I was stuffing my face every night to quell my loneliness. I could lose myself in the television shows I watched, and I didn't have to think about how lonely I really am. I've always been an outgoing person and loved meeting new people. I loved to talk to people and I loved being social.

But, I've allowed myself to withdraw from anyone and everyone over the last few years. This has happened for a number of reasons, but the one that stands out more than the others is that I am embarrassed. I don't want people to see what I've allowed myself to become. Seriously, I used to run 5Ks, 10Ks, and even a half marathon. Co-workers and friends used to comment on how healthy I ate (I love vegetables!). But, I lost myself and that drive for health somewhere along the way.

While I have my suspicions about where my motivation went, it really doesn't and shouldn't matter. Regardless of what was going on in my life several years ago, I shouldn't have let it get to this point. I shouldn't have stopped caring.

So, when Lent came around this year, I thought for days and days about what I could "give up." But, the answer didn't come easy and it was actually late at night on Fat Tuesday that I knew that instead of giving up some luxury, I should make a commitment to myself to lose weight. After all, the idea of giving something up for Lent is to honor God and recognize His sacrifice and obedience. What better way to honor Him than to take care of the life He gave me? Plus, if Lent is all about obedience and sacrifice, sticking to a healthy regime will definitely fit that description.

So, here I am, making public my promise to lose weight, and even more importantly, get healthy.

Since I'm kind of OCD about rules, I decided to list 10 rules that I would follow. If I can stick to these rules 90% of the time, I know I'll succeed. :-)

So, without further ado, here are my 10 rules to lose weight for Lent:

1. Pack my meals, don't wing it.

2. Lose the add-ons (ie. mayo, ranch).

3. Drink 8+ cups of water everyday.

4. Exercise 30+ minutes, 7 days a week, even if it's just a brisk walk.

5. Track my food, weight, and exercise using the calorie count app on my phone.

6. Eat 6+ servings of fruits and vegetables every day.

7. Eat a purely vegetarian diet. (I'll explain this one in more detail later)

8. Eat oatmeal/something solid for breakfast. No donuts or bagels.

9. Pray daily for wisdom in food and exercise decisions.

10. Don't beat yourself up over any failures... and realize that life happens, it will all be okay.

Lent started on Ash Wednesday, February 13th, and I weighed myself that day.

My weight was 211.4 pounds.

I wear a size 18 pants and an XL/1X top.

While I have these crazy aspirations to lose a bunch of weight during the 46 days of Lent, I have to realize that I'm older and my metabolism is crap. So, I had to establish more practical goals. Here they are:

1. Lose at least 15 pounds.

2. Get in shape enough to be able to start running again.

3. Increase my self-confidence and stop with the self-deprecating humor. I am more than a fat, middle-aged, old lady. And, yes, I refer to myself with those words almost daily. Not good.

Now, some photos for reference...

This photo was taken in July, 2012. I had broken my ankle, which is why I'm in a wheelchair. But, this photo is where I saw for the first time how large I had gotten.

This photo was taken in January of 2013. I did a transport for this sweet dog, Riley. This is the most recent photo of myself. I'm wearing sweats to hide my heavier frame.

This was taken in January of 2012. So, it's a little older, but still shows my apple shape. 

Here I am in May of 2010 before I started rapidly gaining weight. This was my sister's wedding. Ironically, at the time, I remember thinking how fat I felt. 

This was at my baptism in June of 2010. Look at those legs! :-) 

I can't remember when this was taken. I think it was in 2009 some time. 

Before the Lexington St. Patrick's Day run. I need to find my running ju-ju again! 

At my Uncle Phil and Aunt Jodi's wedding. I really felt pretty that day. And, it was a good hair day too! 

I post these photos not to shame myself, but to motivate myself. I can do this. I can get my old body back... and even more... I can get my life back.

Anyway, I think that's more than enough for today. I'll be checking in frequently since I need to keep myself accountable.

Love,
E. 

November Gratitudes - Day 30 (my faith)

Today I am glad that I believe in a Lord who is so good to me. When things are bad, and when things are good, God is here with me, and I am grateful for that. I remember my life before Jesus and how I hated feeling so isolated in moments of extreme stress and sorrow. I still feel sadness, but I don't feel alone anymore. I have a Lord who loves me, and who I can lean into when I just can't stand on my own. Amazing.

November Gratitudes - Day 18 (power of prayer)

Today I am grateful for the opportunity to participate in a prayer chain to pray a sweet orphan home. Sweet Katie is medically fragile and needs to make it to the U.S. as quickly as possible so that she can receive medical treatment. I am grateful for the chance to join with believers worldwide and pray Katie home. My slot is Saturday morning from 530am to 6am.

Prayer Request Update!

Katie has checked into the hospital and is being treating for dehydration (amongst other things). She is stable at the moment and should check out in the morning. Keep praying, sweet prayer warriors!

URGENT PRAYER REQUEST

This will be quick, but please, please, please take a moment to pray for a sweet little girl who finally found her family after 9 years and is facing extreme medical issues. PLEASE PRAY FOR SWEET KATIE!!! You can read her story here: http://theblessingofverity.com.

UPDATE: She has been admitted to the hospital and is stable for the moment. Keep praying!!

November Gratitudes - Day 8 (Jesus and the cross)

Today I am grateful for Jesus's sacrifice on the cross and for His offer of salvation. I am grateful to have been surrounded with friends who supported me as I gave my life to Christ and was baptized.

Me telling my story of redemption at baptism.

About to be dunked!

Washed by the water!

Karen, me, Melanie, and Hannah - these girls were in my Bible study group at the time.

Mom, me, Stephanie, Christy, and Roman - my cheerleaders!

Just amazing!!

About 11 months ago, in a moment of boredom at work, I started researching single mother adoptions. My Google search brought me to a website called "Reece's Rainbow." There, I found hundreds of family blogs. Family blogs of people who were deep in the midst of special needs international adoption. I'm sorry to say that I didn't get much accomplished at work that day, but my life changed in ways never before imagined. I followed along with families as they started the extensive paperwork process to go overseas and bring home their children. It was amazing to be taken along on their journey. I also spent some time looking at the children still available for adoption and one sweet girl's photo caught my eye. Here's the photo:


She was listed by Reece's Rainbow as Oksana - not her real name, but one assigned to her in order to keep her safe. It's because of her, that I know that one day I will adopt a sweet little one just like her. But, I knew there was no way that I could be her mommy, since my life was pretty complicated at the time. So, I made it my mission to pray for her daily. And, I did.

I prayed that she would be safe in her orphanage, have enough food to eat, get to play with her friends, and that one of her caregivers would take extra special care of her. Most of all, I prayed that somewhere her mommy was looking for her. I prayed that she would get to know the love of a family. And, I prayed that it would happen sooner rather than later. Deep down, if I am honest, I wished it could be me. But, I knew that was selfish, and she needed a family so badly, that I prayed someone would step forward for her.

Why did she need a home so badly? It wasn't because of an idealized vision of every child having a home and a family. I do wish that for every child, but that wasn't it. The truth is, that Oksana had a very short window of time before she would be transferred to the mental institution. The statistics for children transferred to a mental institution are staggering. Most children with Down Syndrome, like Oksana, will spend their days in lay-down cribs being largely ignored by the staff. They receive very little food, very little stimulation, and many of them die within the first year of being transferred. So, to say I was desperate for sweet Oksana, is a complete understatement.

All through that Winter, the Spring, and this Summer, I prayed. I prayed that if it was God's will, He would provide a family for her. Those prayers were heartfelt and sincere, but they were sugar-coated. Then, last month (September), my prayers took a turn. I began pleading. I knew her birthday was in January, and at that point she could be transferred. I just couldn't let that happen, and short of me winning the lottery, I knew there wasn't a thing I could do - except pray. And I prayed, and I pleaded with God. I thought about her a lot, and wondered what would happen in January.

And, then the impossible happened.

Yesterday, October 20th, I scrolled on over to the Reece's Rainbow website and saw Oksana's picture listed in a different place. She was listed on the page titled, "My Family Found Me." Truly, truly a miracle from God.

I don't know who her family is yet, and they may decide not to go public. But, if they do, you bet I will be following along with her family on that journey.

Sweet Oksana has a home. God is good.

Praises!

So, I was tooling around the internet looking at a couple of my favorite sites when it happened... the answer to my prayers... listed on the Reece's Rainbow website, under the heading "My Family Found Me," was my little sweet pea, Oksana!!!


This is Jesus at work! Thank you, Lord! Thank you for providing a family for her, thank you for answering my prayers, and the prayers of many who rallied behind her, thank you for giving this sweet girl a family where she will be loved, cared for, and valued, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Day 29-3 Wishes

I've been a little lax in finishing up the 30 day blogging challenge... since I only have two days left, I may as well get them done today!

3 Wishes:
1. Harsher punishments for anyone who hurts an animal. It is unconscionable that animal cruelty is not taken more seriously in the eyes of the law. Only when those who hurt animals are sentenced to jail time, will people take these crimes more seriously.

2. That my family would come to know Jesus. I will not call out specific people, but there are people that I regularly pray would come to know Jesus.

3. That sweet Oksana would find a family. I hope and wish that there are hearts stirring out there, and that someone would step forward and declare that she is their child!

Sweet girl...

This little sweet pea, Oksana, recently had her Reece's Rainbow grant almost double. She has $10,388.90 available for her adoption. I am over the moon excited for her. She needs a family, and she needs one soon, before she is transferred in January to a mental institution from the safety of the orphanage. This large grant will help her to get there... I can't believe it, what a great day this is...

AMAZING NEWS!

So, in March I reported on Kirill, a sweet orphan who was denied a mommy and daddy because the judge thought he would do better in an institution. Well, his parents decided that they wouldn't accept that answer and took it all the way to the Russian Supreme Court. Late last week, the Supreme Court ruled that Kirill DID deserve a better life, and granted his parents custody of him right then and there. They still have to wait 5 days to get all of the official paperwork, but he is theirs and no one can change that. Praise God, amazing news!! To see the post from his parents, go here.

Day 18-Something you regret

There are loads of things I regret, but very few that I regret enough to go back and change things. I am one of those people who believes that everything happens for a reason, and all of the choices in my life have made me who I am today. That said, I do regret trusting one person as much as I did. Several years ago I had a best friend, who was also my cousin. She and I talked daily and texted all the time. Although we lived in different cities, we were really, really close. Anyway, long story short, she betrayed me and began actively trying to turn family members against me and using information I had told her in confidence as weapons against me. During this time I found out who my true family was, and who were those I was better off forgetting. It was an incredibly hard and trying time, and I still struggle with trust. I have a very hard time telling people anything deep about myself because I fear that it will be used against me at a future date. I know that her willingness to behave in the way she did says more about her than me, but it still hurt.

So, now, the positive in that situation. First, as I said above, I was able to weed the bad apples out of my life. Second, I came away with my head held high because I did not stoop to her level and begin spilling her secrets, and trust me there were a few juicy ones. But, finally, in my moments of great despair, I turned to the church. I hadn't gone in years because of a bad experience in high school, but I knew at that time something was missing and I felt in my heart it was God. In those difficult times, God whispered for me to come back to Him, and thankfully I listened. Even years after I was betrayed, I still struggled with the experience, despite having fully forgiven my cousin, and God spoke to me again. He told me to change the way I saw the situation. It wasn't the greatest moment of betrayal in my life, it was the moment I turned from my old life to one with Him. Since that moment, I have been free in my experience with this cousin. Sure, I would have loved to avoided the entire situation, especially since it affected my mom and her mom's relationship, but I am eternally (and I mean it) grateful for the experience since it led me to the cross.

So, maybe this isn't a post about regret, but that's what popped in my head when I saw the subject line...

Day 15 = Bible Verse

I love this verse!

Jeremiah 29:11 : "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Day 13 - Goals

1. Become a mom through adoption.
2. Earn my PhD and get a job where I can actually use it.
3. Pay off my student loans before I retire. :-)
4. Get a job that allows me to give buckets of money to the charities I love and support.
5. Live my life in a way that shines Christ so that others will want Him.

Day 12... What I believe...

There are a lot of things I believe, but I think I'll just do a list of sorts, kind of like a Top Ten of sorts! :-)

1. I believe in God. I love Jesus and wish I were a more faithful servant than I am. I have given my life to Christ, and look forward to spending my eternity in Heaven.

2. I think that people who abuse or hurt animals through neglect or physical violence deserve harsher punishments. Animals are so amazing, and when I hear of animals being treated poorly it breaks my heart, and makes me wish I was alone in a room with the perpetrator.

3. I don't believe that you need to birth a child in order for you to be a parent. In fact, the entire idea of feeling more connected to your child through DNA seems a little silly to me. Loving and caring for a child is far more important than physically birthing a child. No judgment on those who birth their own children, I just don't get the "one of our own, and one through adoption" phrase. Um, what???

4. I am an American and I think I live in the best country in the world. Sure, we have our issues, but I am so proud and happy to be an American.

5. I believe that everyone should learn to swim. Despite the safety considerations of not being able to swim, I would hate for anyone to miss the joy of swimming. When I dive in the water, I instantly become relaxed and just feel at peace. Plus, there is no greater joy than floating on a raft or tube on a hot, sunny day!

6. I believe that we all have an obligation to give back something to society, especially those of us who have experienced good fortune in our lives. I am not saying only those who have extra money need to give back, we can give of our time, energy, effort, etc. Those are just as important, and there are a lot of great organizations and charities out there who need the help.

7. I believe that people who claim not to be cat-lovers have never owned a cat. They are amazing animals and don't just sit around waiting to scratch and bite you. They are incredibly intelligent, and very aware of your emotional and physical health. They can be your best companions through anything.

8. I believe the internet is an amazing tool for connecting people, but worry that it de-sensitizes us and makes people do and say really mean things because they don't have to physically look someone in the eye or live with the results of their actions.

9. I believe that we should all strive to live outside our comfort zone. Sure, living in your bubble is easy and pleasant, but only when you go beyond that bubble can you effect actual change on the world.

10. I believe that everyone needs to take a week every year for themselves. No work, no internet, no phone... just time with family to relax. I went years without time off and was miserable. It's amazing what a week off will do for the other 51 weeks in the year.

I guess that's a start to what believe...

Day Two of my 30 Day Challenge

Day two asks about the name of my blog, I am going to repeat what I wrote last month...

When I sat down to start a blog I really struggled to come up with a title that really fit the purpose of my blog. I expected to write about adoption, friends, money, school, work and how all of those fit together in living as though there is more to this world than my personal comfort. Because the truth is, we are all called to live for more, to be His light in this world to those who are suffering and struggling. Thus, the name of my blog... It's About More Than Me...

YES!

Great news! The judge ruled that Evan could be adopted. So this little girl has a family now. Praise God for moving mountains in the heart of judge. This is all God, only He could do this! Praise, praise, praise!

Praying and Fasting...

Today, for the first time in my life, I am fasting. I am fasting for Kirill and Evangeline. They are two little cuties who who deserve a home with a mommy and daddy. Even more, I am praying that God moves mountains in the judge's heart. She needs to see and know that they would flourish in a family setting. Keep praying!

So, why is it about more than me?

When I sat down to start a blog I really struggled to come up with a title that really fit the purpose of my blog. I expected to write about adoption, friends, money, school, work and how all of those fit together in living as though there is more to this world than my personal comfort. Because the truth is, we are all called to live for more, to be His light in this world to those who are suffering and struggling. Thus, the name of my blog... It's About More Than Me...

Confession time, early last summer I realized that I really am ready to be a mom, like seriously ready. So, I did what any academically minded person would do, I started researching on the internet to find out what I could about single moms adopting. There was a ton of information - YAY!

One of the websites I came across was a website called Reece's Rainbow. As I looked through these children's photos, and read all about the amazing familes that stepped forward to adopt them, I felt God moving in my heart. He was asking me to re-consider how I envisioned my "perfect" child. I always knew that I would be a mother, but I envisioned doing it with a child who was involved in numerous activities, who excelled at sports, and who would go on to achieve great things in life. After all, don't we all have these ideas of what raising a child should look like?

But, God knew my heart better than I did. He asked me to look into the faces of those amazing Reece's Rainbow children and re-consider how I would parent my future children. Because, you see, the kids listed on the Reece's Rainbow website all have a special need and are considered discardable in the cultures in which they were born. Kids with Down Syndrome, birth defects, skin conditions, weakened vision, and on and on were all waiting in orphanages for their mom to come. They were waiting on a mom who wasn't coming. Even as I write about that moment, I have chills. It's so awesome to hear directly from God the plans He has for you.

As I started to look back at my life, I realized that He had prepared me for this adventure in ways that I didn't understand all of these years. I mentioned that I teach swim lessons in my first blog. Since moving to Lexington and teaching at the particular YMCA where I currently teach, I have constantly encountered special needs kids in my classes. I seem to always have the kids with Autism, Asperger's, Down Syndrome, and behavioral issues. This was not a situation manufactured by the Aquatics Director, myself, or even the children's parents. It was God. Because even though having these kids in my classes frustrated me at times, He was showing me that my heart was designed to feel compassionately for these kids. But, He wasn't just helping me to feel compassionately, He was showing me that I could do it. I could be a mother to a child who seen by society as less than perfect.

Wow, talk about a turning point. So, yes, my life really is about more than me. It's about God's plans for me and the light I could shine to the least of His.